there are days that build trust in the universe that’s my hope for those bejeweled moments far from just pleasing

may they slowly teach to me trust so that i my love and my gifts can flow freely in the world

///

staying in new mexico even as the most enticing of parties are happening in the bay feels transformative

traversing from the inevitability of going, the fear of not going to release often tentative, tortured but inevitably giving way to the realization that i feel great, still authentic and solid and flowing and honoring and knowing deep in my bones that no party is worth more

and i can feel such optimism that i may finally — or at least incrementally — learn the lesson that could not be any clearer

each day is a gift my privilege is too vast to overlook perfectionism plunders life

i’ve been brought up with certain values and with certain perspectives learned for survival and i can work to let go of the ones that don’t serve

no more

with all my might i say goodbye to visions plans, dreams one-way roads lined with barbed wire blueprints finalized in grade school, with knife-tipped pens disguised as crayons

of being rich successful popular

of living to be my grandparents’ pride the golden child the savior son

i’m done! goodbye! no more!

and i know it will take all of me and so much beyond me

but I’m learning to draw courage from life’s endless well

::

hot water flowing from earth in the cold night my body floating, next to the Rio Grande a man tending a fire while soaking Hannukah miracle steam dancing with smoke floating towards the stars the yellow flames reflecting on my outstretched hand flesh, water, vapor, fire, stars, Jupiter and its vapors, visible all at once

::

fullmoon setting on a scarlet horizon splashed with violet and tangerine everything is rounded and soft the snow covered juniper even the spiky cholla the adobe houses even the cold desert ground looks like a plush naked mattress as the moon glides down and the sun floats up over opposite mountains perfect symmetry the trust in the universe at least for a moment unshakeable

Image made by AI :o