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I wanted to shovel the earth with my head

An earthworms’ deepest instinct to burrow down down down

Snakes slithered over under my torso limbs and neck

I felt surrender, release, ready to sink back to the earth

I saw the lines in my friends’ faces and mine

The gravitational pull back to the earth

Our too short stint of aliveness

Amidst our eternal residence in the dirt

I wanted to squeeze my friends as tight as I could

Step back just an inch, hold them by the shoulders

Really look into each other

I wanted to to kiss my father on the head

I wanted to hold my mom as a little girl, to tell her she was perfect

And I wanted to do the same for myself

I caught a glimpse of my ex’s face, the size of the forest